(Following is the entry I made in my company's essay writing contest. The contest was entitled "The Most Inspiring Woman In My Life", and was published in my company's intranet site on March 28, 2007. I named the piece "Does It Have To Be Just One?")
Does It Have To Be Just One?
It shouldn't be too difficult, to write about the most inspiring woman in my life. After all, there are now more women in the world than men, at least according to the most recent international surveys. And since who we are is shaped, at least in part, by how people interact with us, and how we interact with people, then I should have an easy time picking up an anecdote or two to write about.
But I have to ask the question: does it have to be just one? One woman that is the most inspiring?
I can talk about my mom, and memories of my childhood, when our mother would buy us our favorite Taho as a Saturday afternoon treat. I would come back to our house, sweaty from an afternoon of play, and she would be there proffering a glass of that wonderful snack. Such things would begin to shape in my mind the value of sharing and caring. But does it have to be just one?
I can talk of my teacher in elementary, she of the pretty smile and stern countenance, as she helped me puzzle out what multiplication is, with patience that bordered on sainthood. The multiplication tables became like a mantra to me, and I realized, through her kind harshness, the value of perseverance. But does it have to be just one?
I can talk of my old ex, and in her own inimitable and beautiful way, show to me that one can find beauty in all things. I can talk about how she would savor the smell of a flower, or wax lyrical about a book she had read, or how wonderful the sunlight is on a lazy December day, and I realize that the world will never lack for wondrous things.
But does it have to be just one?
In this world where people make and shape you, teach you the ways of the world, through both the good things and the bad things, there cannot be just one. Collectively, the women in my life have been the most influential, more so than the men. Men teach you to be tough, to do the hard thing, to be a MAN. But it is women that make one see the colors of the sky, feel the rain while on an afternoon walk, smell the aroma of brewed coffee in the morning, smile at the antics of children. Yes, I am a man, and I strive to do things as a man would. But does it end there? There is indeed a need to define yourself by comparing yourself with the opposite of you – you struggle to know your limits by constantly comparing yourself to standards. But if there is only one standard, then how would you be able to?
I remember looking at my mom and my dad, and comparing how they arrive at family decisions. My dad would argue for the practical – we should go to this movie house because it’s nearer, or go to this restaurant because they have larger servings. My mom would be more apt to say something like, we should watch a movie here because it has nice ushers, or we should eat in this restaurant because that’s where they serve my brother’s favorite fried chicken.
Such direct opposites, you would assume, would never get along. But surprisingly they did. Until the very end, they did. I cannot help but think, up to now, how this can become possible. But it was. I guess, in my mind, it showed how, in the end we are influenced not by just one, but by many. And I think it is patently impossible to answer the question of who the most influential person, singular, in my life is.
Working in Globe, one is often under pressure to perform. I suspect, more than if I were working in another company. But it takes a certain kind of person to get you through a tough day. Most times you would, at the end of a long day, turn to your office buds and go to the nearest drinking spot, whether it be somewhere in Pioneer or somewhere in Valero, hoist a few cold ones and mellow out the day. That is the Guy Thing to do. But, there is another side to coping with stress. A kind word of commiseration as you work side-by-side with colleagues and labor to meet a deadline; a pat on the back when you most need it. And it usually is a girl who is doing the commiserating and the patting. Far be it for a guy to do the touchy-feely thing. Right now, I am thinking of a team-mate of mine, one of my staff who I will not mention by name lest this article gets to her, who had resigned and gone off to the States, married to her sweetheart, and probably already has babies (she said that she wanted at least one). If not for her, I probably would have resigned several times over.
I also remember my former boss, also in Globe (she still is at Globe), and how she would give me a workload that I could barely cope with. But then I found out that it wasn’t the “barely coping” that was important, but it was that I COULD cope. She showed me leadership by example, not asking you to do overtime if she wasn’t prepared to do likewise, not asking you to follow rules and policies if she wasn’t willing to follow them, too. Such things cannot be belittled. For me, she is the epitome of the Globe employee, a standard I strive to match.
I also remember an old friend of mine, from my childhood days, and how we had innocently experimented on the things that matter between men and women. Such innocence has long gone from me, but in the intervening years, for me, the image, the ESSENTIAL image, of what a woman is, will always be hers.
There are many facets to a life, and for each facet, there are many that helped shape that. Both in life and in death. I remember the time when an uncle of mine, the husband of my favorite aunt on my dad’s side, passed away. Though they were far from rich, and they were not fortunate enough to have been gifted with children, my auntie coped with the loss of a life partner. Today, she copes with being alone, and surrounds herself with her friends so as to keep busy and feel a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. And even in the midst of all of the things that she does to keep busy, she still keeps a light burning for my uncle, and I can just imagine her thinking that, when she passes away, she’d be reunited again with him. Such is the stuff that chick-flicks are made. But I found out that even chick-flicks are based, at least sometimes, in reality.
As a final vignette, I will tell you about my mom, and her last days on this Earth. My mom was a tough old bird, and I will always remember her being this paradox of gentleness and toughness. And I still cannot believe that such a wonderful person would be visited with such a burden which ultimately was the cause of her passing away. My mom had cancer – a form of Leukemia, called in medical circles, “multiple myeloma,” or something like that. My brother, my dad and I labored to keep her comfortable in her last days, and, though we knew it in our heads, we had not accepted it in our hearts that it was indeed her last days. Up until the end, that is.
Throughout her struggle, my dad stayed steadfast, staying with her through the troubled days and nights, never leaving her side. For a career military man (my dad was a general in the army), it is unusual to see such a man acting so. But he did. I and my brother quit wondering how he can be inspired so. Because it was love in its purest form.
When she passed away, my dad was inconsolable. But only for a while. After a few minutes, he pulled back his shoulders, as he always does, and went on with life. Doubtless he missed her, but he hid that pain from us, showing us only the stoic face of the general, the man.
During my mom’s death anniversary, or during her birthdays or during Christmas, my dad would become unusually melancholy, and asked, subtly, if my brother and I would care to visit her at Loyola Memorial. What can we do but say yes. We have learned not to say no to him when we were small. It’s no different now.
My dad, AND my mom taught me about life, about death and about unconditional love. She is but one in a long line of women that have been influential in my life. Though I suspect she won’t be the last. The answer to the question, you see, is that, no, there’s not just one.
